Question 35: What do you do when someone is stealing the conversation? Part 1

This is a question that came up in my seminar tonight. 

#1 answer: TRIP... out of no where, accidentally trip on your own foot. I even demonstrated.

Sorry for the short blog. I had a full day and I am waking up at 6 am to drive roundtrip to Vegas. I'll elaborate in part 2 tomorrow...

For more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.thegreenlightcoachblog.com 

Question 34: Should I go to film school?

First, let me say that this person gave me no history, so I have no idea where he/she is coming from. Having coached as many people as I have, I know this could be:

A: someone who isn't in the industry yet, and wants to be

B: someone in the industry who is not a head of a department, and wants to be

C: neither of the above 

I will not be addressing "C," unless the person is neither A nor B, and writes to give me the specifics.  

Let's be realistic, I can't answer this question because you have to answer it for yourself.  I can advise you on what to ask yourself in order to make your decision. So, here goes...

On numerous occasions I've had clients come to me and say, "I want to move up and no one's giving me the chance.  Should I go to film school?" I ask them how they see that as a solution. Here are some of the responses I get:

1. I would be forced to build up a reel (and variations that don't include force)

2. I could create relationships with other students and teachers

3. I could get mentors

4. I would hone my skills & perfect my craft

These are all good reasons to go to film school.  However, you can do all of those things without film school.  My old boss, a Producer, and at the time, head of the producer program at a prestigious film school, once said to me that the students could take all the money they spend on school and make a film.  It would teach them everything and more.

On the other hand, when I was working with clients who made the decision to go to film school and we created a 2-3 year business plan, they had outstanding results. 

For those of you not in the industry and interested, it's the same question: what do you want to get out of film school that you can't get from real world experience? If your answer is worth the time and investment, go to film school.  

If you do choose to go to film school, my advice is to make the most out of it. Film school can be so much more than what you learn in class.

For more tips and articles by the Greenlight Coach, visit www.theGreenlightCoachBlog.com 

       

Question 33: What do I do if my boss won't move me up?

There are many reasons why a boss or head of a department won't move you up.  I could list some of the reasons, but really, you'll never know the true answer unless your boss tells you.

The bottom line is, if you don't have a boss willing to move you up, you have to:

1. Build up your credits, in the "next-level" position, outside of your workplace/crew

2. Create relationships with people as your "new-position" so that's how they perceive you

My sister is in a completely different field, advertising sales.  She started as an assistant in a large company that didn't promote assistants.  She had to leave her company to get a sales job for another company. After that, she was able to return to her original company as a sales person. 

It happens all over, not just in the entertainment industry.  

for more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.theGreenlightCoachBlog.com 

Question 32: Should I re-rate?

The question actually read, "Should I re-rate to DP?" But, because my readers are in different classifications, I'll give the standard answer which applies to any classification.

My answer is a list of questions: 

1.Do you know enough people who WILL hire you in the new classification?

2. Do you have the marketing materials to back up your experience in the new classification (ex: reel, credits)

If you answered, "No," to 1 & 2 and still want to re-rate:

 

3. Do you have enough money saved to last you 2-5 years? 

That is not an arbitrary time period that I have chosen.  In my experience of coaching over 1000 people one-on-one, that's the average time it takes to move up in classification without proven experience and A LOT of contacts who are willing to hire you. However, all it takes is one person to give you a break, and that can change everything. I just wanted to give you an answer based on the average that I've seen. 

Being the exception to the rule is possible, being prepared for the realities of the entertainment industry is practical.  

For more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com  

Question 31: I live in a small town and want to move to LA. What should I do?

Here's the advice I've given to people who have successfully made the move to Los Angeles:

1. Save enough money to survive for a year with no work/or be willing to get a survival job

2. Create relationships with people who live in LA, before moving out here 

3. Have a strategy plan that includes the kind of work you want and how you plan to generate it

4. Research the "business side of the business" so you aren't shocked when you're not "discovered" within 30 days (or 30 months) 

5. Choose a support team of friends & family, so during times of doubt, they can boost you back up

Because there are so many people who are interested in moving and survival jobs in LA, check out 2 of my Greenlight 101 Series books:  

101 Tips on Moving to Los Angeles from a Small Town, by author, Jefferson Loftfield 

and

101 Tips to Getting a Survival Job That Doesn't Suck, by author, Dawna Gonzales

for more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.theGreenlightCoachBlog.com

Question 30: Is creating rapport manipulative and phony?

The actual comment question read, "Isn't this manipulative? I mean, if you're thinking and intentionally copying someone, that seems phony."

Therefore my response to "anonymous" is, "What is your intention?"

The definition of manipulation is: exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage.

Please recall my definition of rapport in Question 28: the presence of harmony, trust, and cooperation in a relationship. 

Anything that I write about, either as the Greenlight Coach or as myself, comes from complete integrity.  I make the assumption that all tools, strategies, and actions I share are used, by my readers, ethically and with the intention of creating win/win results.

Rapport is an excellent tool/skill to have in order to deepen a connection with someone quickly. Therefore be aware of these 2 techniques when going into rapport with someone:

1. Don't imitate them in an obvious way- instead pick up their gestures and phrases, and re-create them in a smaller way, using them subtly.  It's not Simon Sez.  

2. Don't be so focused on creating rapport that you're not engaged in the conversation- instead, pick one thing to mirror (like their posture, or their energy level) and then participate fully in the conversation.

If your intention is pure, you will build rapport.  If your intention is to scam, it will be a transparent plan.  That's my attempt at a rhyme, and now I'm out of time...

For more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com 

 

Question 29: What is rapport? Part 2

Yesterday, I talked about why rapport is important.  Today, I'm going to tell you how to create rapport. It's actually quite simple- rapport is established by matching and mirroring. 

Matching is doing *something* the other person is doing, but in reverse image.

Mirroring is being the "mirror image" of someone. Like when a Yoga teacher in the front of the room, tells the class to stretch to the right.  The teacher, stretches to the left, so they are all going in the same direction. 

What is the *something* you would match or mirror? Here are some examples:

1. Physiology (55%): Posture, facial expressions, and gestures (you can go as subtle as matching their blinking and breathing patterns)

2. Tonality (38%): Voice, pitch, speed, and volume

3. Words (7%): Key words, phrases, common experiences, and associations

When you read about it, rapport may seem unnatural, forced. It's actually something you do all the time unconsciously.  Don't you and your friends use the same "lingo?" Did you ever notice when you're sitting in a group of people, that most people's legs are mirroring or matching? Look next time. You'll probably see 9 out of 10 people in a row with their legs crossed one way or the other if they are in rapport.  When you converse with a friend, whose energy is way up, and he/she is talking a mile a minute, don't you get caught up in it and talk fast too? 

In friendships it happens naturally. Like attracts like. People like to be around people who are like them. 

When you meet new people, consciously (and subtly) going into rapport with them, will connect you faster!

Give it a try...

For more tips and articles by the Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com

Question 28: What is rapport? You keep talking about it. Part 1

It's true, I do keep talking about it.  Because rapport is one of those unconscious ways of communicating that can make or break a conversation.  

The definition for rapport that I like is: the presence of harmony, trust, and cooperation in a relationship.

I'll break this up into two parts.  Today's part is understanding why rapport is important. Tomorrow I will talk about how to create rapport.

To understand why rapport is so important, first you must understand communication.

Communication is broken down approximately like this:

7%- the words you say

38%- the tonality you use when saying those words

55%- your physiology 

How many times have you heard an actress mutter the words "I hate you" into her lover's chest with a purring tonality, as she tears off his shirt? 

That's how little the words mean. Why is this important for YOU? The actress's true feelings were love and desire, masked by the words "I hate you." 

CUT TO: YOU meeting a GUY who can potentially hire you.  He asks you, "How are things? Are you working?"  

After a work slow down, and your many angry conversations about the problems with the industry, this question unconsciously and immediately, triggers your feelings or bitterness, frustration, and desperation. BUT, despite those feelings, you smile and say, "Not working right now, but things are great!!!"  

I added the 3 explanation points, for each of the previous emotions I mentioned, that unbeknownst to you are seeping through.  This causes the guy, to unconsciously wonder, "what's up with you?" After all, the words you're saying are fine, but the tonality you're using, and the tiny physiological gestures that you're revealing (perhaps a clenched jaw, a cheek twitch, a bulging neck vein, a change in your breathing pattern) are saying- not so fine.

The guy can't quite put his finger on it, but he is out of rapport with you and therefore doesn't mention the dayplaying job on his show next week.      

People always tell me that they're great at hiding their true feelings, that they always put on a smiling face and say the right things, when talking to people who can hire them.  Sorry, that's CRAP! Even as they are telling me those 3 !!! are seeping into my atmosphere, and I choose NOT to be in rapport with them. 

Don't let this happen to you.  I'll tell you how tomorrow...

For more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com  

Question 27: Do you recommend sending postcards as thank you notes?

Since I know an actress asked this question, first I have to clarify to the other classifications, that actors make postcards with their headshot and contact info on them. Some people have the opinion that sending your postcard as a thank you note, is another way to get your face in front of the casting director.

I have a different opinion.  I believe that thank you notes should be a sincere and genuine expression of gratitude. To me, a postcard with your picture, or a thank you note with your contact information is a subtle solicitation. Therefore I suggest following these steps for thank you notes:

1. Send an actual card (something that reveals something about you or something you know they like)

2. Remind the person where you met

3. Thank them for something specific

4. Add something personal to show that you were paying attention to what they were saying

5. Sign your first and last name CLEARLY

One of the reasons why people don't know what questions to ask when they meet people is because they haven't started at the end.  What do you want the outcome of your meeting to be?  What if the outcome you want is to be able to write an amazing thank you note that answers 2, 3, & 4? Knowing that you need to tie in something personal will create the questions you ask. Knowing you have to thank them for something specific will cause you to listen with more intention, creating deeper rapport with the person. 

For those of you (and I know you're out there) who are thinking, "But, if I don't put my contact number (or picture) how will they remember who I am and know how to contact me?" 

I've received hundreds of thank you notes from people. I always remember who they are. On top of that, I'm resourceful enough to know where to look for their contact information when I want to contact them. 

You can follow up with "new news" on your postcard or on your letterhead, a week later. Allow yourself the simple gesture of gratitude, with a sincere thank you note, and believe me, you'll stand out. 

For more tips and articles by the Greenlight Coach, visit www.theGreenlightCoachBlog.com  

Question 26: What if I can't find anything on the person I'm researching?

This is a shortened version of the question I received in the comment section of Question 24.

So, you've googled, IMDBd, and polled your friends and there is nothing to be found on the person you're meeting with. 

1. If you're meeting at his/her office, quickly do a scan to see if there is something to ask about, comment on, or a common interest.

2. Focus on creating rapport.

3. Design general questions based on what the meeting is about.

4. Prepare your own stories to share so you'll feel confident about having something to discuss.

5. Relax.  If you couldn't find anything, the person knows there is nothing to find.

For more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com 

Question 25: Why doesn't talent count for anything?

This question was followed by: 

"I'm sick of seeing people whose reels aren't as good as mine getting work when I'm not!" 

So, to answer the question, yes, talent does count for something.  To comment on the comment that followed:

This is an industry of relationships.  People want to work with people they know, trust, and like. They also want to work with people who lend credibility, money, and any assets such as equipment or locations, to their project.

There are numerous reasons why someone with less talent may be hired for a job. My question to you is, why are you focusing on on something negative that you have no control over? Instead of letting frustration and bitterness take over and therefore seep into everything you say and do (and before you try and tell me you "hide it" when it counts, I promise you, you're not hiding anything... explanation points speak volumes), focus on what you do well, and getting it out there. 

For more tips and articles by The Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com