entertainment industry coach question 676: How do you balance a career in entertainment and a family?

I've been getting this question a lot lately. I'm guessing because the holidays just came and went and some people were working through the festivities, while others were suffering the repercussions of industry 'divorce.'

This holiday season I heard about so many ends of the spectrum:

1. A guy who recently lost an executive job who couldn't fully enjoy his holidays due to the stress of being out of work and wanting a new job. While he will get another one, the question is when, and how do you make the most of enjoying the time you have off to be with the ones you love, while keeping the faith that something else will come along?

2. An actress and mom whose husband is a movie producer, and away from the family for 7 months at a time. This puts so much stress on the family, because she and her two young kids miss their dad, and he misses them. Of course, he has a great paying job and is thinking about the future. So, do you appreciate that your husband is working hard now for your future, knowing that it won't always be this way? Or do you look for another kind of job in a job market that isn't fantastic?

3. Then there's the story of the typical scenario of a crew working long hours and days, kissing the kids goodnight on a Sunday and not seeing them awake again until Friday, missing milestones, missing birthdays. And what if both parents are working in the business?

I've addressed this question before, and I ask every mentor in my Greenlight Mentor Program to address it as well, and the bottom line, is every family deals with it differently.

Here's what I think are the important elements to remember when entering into a relationship and as it progresses:

1. Be completely honest about where you want your career to go and what your partner can expect from our industry once you achieve those goals.

2. When discussing children, as a couple, meet with other entertainment industry couples and get their perspective on how they manage, the pros and the cons.

3. Always share your passion but never make the job seem more important though you may be choosing to take the work over a family vacation, explain your reasons for taking it and the nature of the industry, so they understand. Depending on how old kids are or how lonely a spouse is, they may not like it, but at least you're being open about why things are how they are.

4. Whenever possible, include your family, invite them to location, so they can see you in your element.

5. Use Skype, and other forms of communication while you are out of town or on the job, even when you're tired. Push yourself to make the effort.

This is such a major source of conflict in out industry that I opened up a discussion about it on my Facebook Business Page, so feel free to chime in there under the "discussion tab" at FB

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entertainment industry coach question 357:I have a relative in the biz who I don't know. Can I call him up for help?

You have an inherent relationship because he is family, and therefore, yes, you can just call him up. The key is what you say when you call. DO NOT say that you are his cousin/nephew/half-sister who wants to break into the industry and can he give you work.

Instead, introduce yourself. Bond on the family level for the first minute or two (or longer if he steers the conversation that way). Then tell him you are breaking into the industry and wanted to know if he'd be open to giving you advice. Because he's family you can offer to take him to lunch or dinner (if he's local).

Treat him professionally by being respectful of his time and make sure you follow up. My first roommate in LA had a powerful Hollywood cousin. He met with him once, got some great advice, and then never called him again. Not only is that not cool for his "business," but he missed out on the opportunity to have a relationship with family when he was across the country from his own. Bad move.

For more tips and articles by top entertainment industry career coach, The Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com

entertainment industry coach question 298: Does it ever get easier being away from your family on the holidays because of work?

I would imagine not, if you have the kind of family who has a big traditional holiday celebration. You will always be missing out on the memories and the time spent with those you love, on the years you can't be with them.

I made a choice to move away from my parents and friends when I came to California. It was a sacrifice that had to made to pursue my career. Does it get easier to be away from them? Quite the contrary, it gets harder every year.

I've often written about the "nature of our industry" and weighing the pros and cons. If you were not born in Southern California and had to relocate here for work, leaving behind family and friends, that may be a huge "con" for you. It's a choice.

My suggestion to you is that you make the time to see your family in between jobs and be very present in every moment that you're with them. Create memories, and cherish the time you spend with them. You may find that you are in fact lucky compared to those who have their family near by, and quite possibly take them fore granted.

Again, it's all how you choose to live your life and treat the people in it.

For more tips and articles by top entertainment industry career coach, The Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com

Question 80: My 2 shows have been cancelled and I feel like I'm abandoning my "family" if I take a job with a new crew. Should I just wait?

The question continues: Should I just wait to see if we get another show?

Another question that I can't answer for you. What I will do, is give you some things to think about:

1. How would you feel if someone from your "crew family," who like you, was unsure of the future, decided to take a job in order to support his/her family, accrue hours to maintain health benefits, and be able to continue working? 

2. Do you consider putting all of your eggs in one basket, prudent? What if the person who hires you retires, leaves the business, or stops getting hired? Can you see benefits to working with multiple crews and expanding your "family?"

3. If you accepted a job and then your "crew family" got another show, would the feelings that would bring up for you, outweigh the feelings of being out of work because you waited and they didn't get a show? 

4. Remember, as your network expands, so does your crew family's.

This is a tough decision because you do create "crew family bonds," sometimes stronger than the ones with your actual family. Personally, I am always happy for my "crew family members' successes." I never take it personally when they have to move on to keep growing. I've seen too many people put their eggs in one basket to ever make that mistake myself, though I do have a core group of people that if I had a choice, I would work with for the rest of my life.  This industry is as unpredictable as life though, and it's times like these when you must choose.

Communication is key, as is trusting your instincts, and maintaining your integrity.   

For more tips and articles by top entertainment industry coach, The Greenlight Coach, visit:

www.thegreenlightcoachblog.com 

Question 54: What do you do when your family doesn't get/support what you do?

This is a tough scenario. I've coached a lot of husbands whose frustrated non-pro wives, give them ultimatums, young adults whose parents "give them a few years," and friends who joke "Are you still doing that (insert your talent here) thing?"

Creatives are very sensitive people for a number of reasons:

1. They constantly feel judged

2. Their work is an extension of themselves

3. They don't always get rewarded with money

4. They have a dream that not only seems like a fantasy to non-pro people, they also have a talent that tears them up inside if they can't share it

5. Insert your reason here: __________________________________ 

There is a solution-- a great one. You must share with your loved ones and friends only the bits they can understand. For the rest, you MUST seek out people who are beyond where you are now, who know what it takes to succeed, and most importantly, can see you BIGGER than you can see yourself. 

If your wealth is the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with... the sum of your success can also be measured by the 5 people you spend the most time with. In other words, if you spend a lot of time with people who see your great potential they will continue to lift you up. If you spend your time talking about your goals to people who don't get them, they will discourage you, not from a bad place, but because they want to protect you. Sheltered people don't soar... find people who will push you to your greatest heights!