Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Question 28: What is rapport? You keep talking about it. Part 1
It's true, I do keep talking about it. Because rapport is one of those unconscious ways of communicating that can make or break a conversation.
The definition for rapport that I like is: the presence of harmony, trust, and cooperation in a relationship.
I'll break this up into two parts. Today's part is understanding why rapport is important. Tomorrow I will talk about how to create rapport.
To understand why rapport is so important, first you must understand communication.
Communication is broken down approximately like this:
7%- the words you say
38%- the tonality you use when saying those words
55%- your physiology
How many times have you heard an actress mutter the words "I hate you" into her lover's chest with a purring tonality, as she tears off his shirt?
That's how little the words mean. Why is this important for YOU? The actress's true feelings were love and desire, masked by the words "I hate you."
CUT TO: YOU meeting a GUY who can potentially hire you. He asks you, "How are things? Are you working?"
After a work slow down, and your many angry conversations about the problems with the industry, this question unconsciously and immediately, triggers your feelings or bitterness, frustration, and desperation. BUT, despite those feelings, you smile and say, "Not working right now, but things are great!!!"
I added the 3 explanation points, for each of the previous emotions I mentioned, that unbeknownst to you are seeping through. This causes the guy, to unconsciously wonder, "what's up with you?" After all, the words you're saying are fine, but the tonality you're using, and the tiny physiological gestures that you're revealing (perhaps a clenched jaw, a cheek twitch, a bulging neck vein, a change in your breathing pattern) are saying- not so fine.
The guy can't quite put his finger on it, but he is out of rapport with you and therefore doesn't mention the dayplaying job on his show next week.
People always tell me that they're great at hiding their true feelings, that they always put on a smiling face and say the right things, when talking to people who can hire them. Sorry, that's CRAP! Even as they are telling me those 3 !!! are seeping into my atmosphere, and I choose NOT to be in rapport with them.
Don't let this happen to you. I'll tell you how tomorrow...
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