Monday, January 4, 2010

entertainment industry coach question 308: How do I deal with people in power, making advances when I'm not interested?

The actual question read: As a young female in the business, I find myself having to deal with flirty men a lot. While I have no interest in them romantically, I can't rule out the possibility that today, or even down the road, they can help to get me a job, as I rely on others and word of mouth. How do I handle these situations without having to lie about being in a relationship or loose the possible connection?

Because this affects both genders in more ways than one, I thought I'd answer it in a more general way. While this does run rampant in our industry, it is by no means exclusive to our industry. You could handle these situations with confidence, humor, and grace. It's actually very personal.

While I'm sure I've experienced this, I can't recall a time, because I always charm my way out of these uncomfortable situations using humor. That's my personal style. The bottom line is, if the only reason I was going to get hired was if I "went above and beyond the call of duty," I wouldn't trust the person who was putting me in that position. Not that I would do it, I'm just saying, who's to say that they're going to follow through after you do?

Did I mention I hate this subject? It comes up a lot and I've put it off until question 308... geeesh.

Anyway, if you do not choose to sleep your way to the top (though some are fine making that choice), then stay away from the sleezeballs that will put you in that position. If it's not a sleezeball, but someone who is genuinely interested in you, and the feelings aren't mutual, tell him/her that you start all relationships by getting to know someone as a friend. Then you can maintain the relationship, and either enjoy a blooming friendship, or perhaps your feelings will grow into more. If it's as you say, "flirty men," flirt back. Two can play at that game. Just know when to put the brakes on. Model a Texan Gal... they're fantastic at it!

Perhaps a Relationship Coach or a Human Resource Person can chime in, in my comments section.

For more tips and articles by top entertainment industry career coach, the Greenlight Coach, visit www.TheGreenlightCoachBlog.com

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is a very insidious subject as my first employer in the editing scene told me point blank that his best friend had an assistant on staff who was also his lover. the man was married with a son and asked me to coffee after work and told me he wanted a place to sleep once a week and would promote me. his assistant then got busy making me the object of ridicule among all her friends and professional associates in the very beginning of my career and that branched out over the years. the first man who was the best friend of the man with the assistant rose to a powerful position and also had me on his to-abuse and confound list for many years until he retired with a nice fat pension and his loving wife and family. I may never get a pension and health benefits because I was branded early on as a flirt, tease and the womens gossip has it that I am an immoral whore who would unscrupulously break up a home or screw my way to the top if they didn't warn the entire industry against me. So go ahead and flirt if you think you can put the brakes on men like this, remember they are married and receive regular paychecks with benefits and it's you out in the cold asking for a job.

TheGreenlightCoach said...

I always keep my blogs pretty general to address "the average situation." I count on readers like you, to share your stories, so people can learn all perspectives. Your story is the reason why I wrote "Did I mention I hate this topic?" Because, I am not naive. This is a very real problem and after working at a union for 11 years, not one that is easy to prove or solve. It reaches farther than sexual harassment to racism, sexism, and blackballing. It reaches farther than our industry, than our country...

I thank you for stepping up and sharing your story, so other people in your situation know they are not alone. I only wish I had a concrete answer that could solve the problem, but I don't.

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